> "It's bad enough when the broheimer partyboys crash our con, but if the pro cosplayers and booth babes also turn out to be more than just eye candy, that means the nerdity wasn't about being smart, but was actually just being ugly, awkward losers with no social value. That hurts, psychologically."
Do you not see that the issue isn't really "them", but that it's rather about perceived self-worth? If others put you down and made you feel like you lacked social value, I'm sorry, I wouldn't wish that on anybody, but your perceived value is something you have some degree of control of, as it's up to you how you wish to view yourself.
I fundamentally disagree with putting numbers on attractiveness, or even putting it on a scale, but let's say for the sake of argument that I'm not expecting a modelling contract any time soon. That doesn't mean I can't be friends with people who are "better" looking than me, or that I can't see them as my peers. If you've got something interesting to say, it's all good.
Perhaps you have never been ugly enough, or fat enough, or black enough, or xeno enough to catch flak from the beautiful people. But I have had enough of it that I simply avoid being out in public.
I know what I'm worth to me, but I also know that "society" doesn't want me hanging around where I can be seen. That's fine with me, because apparently society is full of nasty people and those who tacitly support their nastiness--people who are ugly on the inside, and people who find it easier to live with ugly on the inside than ugly on the outside.
I certainly could be friends with people much more attractive than myself, but it is rather unlikely that we would ever meet in the first place. And it certainly would be awkward if we went to a party together, and they eventually realized I wasn't allowed through the front door. Or if I did make it in, and then everyone else left, because the party was no longer cool. Or if someone made an insulting joke at my expense, loudly enough for everyone to hear, and they had to either let it go or get involved in a public fracas. These things have actually happened; I am not just imagining things that might happen.
You can be as sorry as you like, but that won't make the human track marks out there any more accepting, or me any more trusting. The only people I feel safe around by default are those who so obviously have something wrong with them that I know that we must share the experience of being crapped on. Everyone else has to prove they are not secretly a jerk trying to pull one over on the nerds.
There's nothing you can do about it, really. Some people are cruel, and it's enough for you to not be one of them.
There are two issues here. One is the "beautiful people" issue, where the people are playing a social game, and if they come to hang out with normal people, they are doing it for some way that it's going to advance them in their manipulative social game. Why should any of the non-"beautiful people" want anything to do with that? The only way we should is if we're dumb enough to want to play their game, because we haven't figured out that it's a game that we're going to lose at. Your instincts to run away are spot on.
But the other issue is, we've got our own communities. Maybe we're part of a community where we care about software, for example. Well, in that community, sure, be careful of people who are trying to use you. But if someone with good physical looks comes around, judge them by their software knowledge (or actual desire to learn); don't judge them (positively or negatively) by their looks.
Do you not see that the issue isn't really "them", but that it's rather about perceived self-worth? If others put you down and made you feel like you lacked social value, I'm sorry, I wouldn't wish that on anybody, but your perceived value is something you have some degree of control of, as it's up to you how you wish to view yourself.
I fundamentally disagree with putting numbers on attractiveness, or even putting it on a scale, but let's say for the sake of argument that I'm not expecting a modelling contract any time soon. That doesn't mean I can't be friends with people who are "better" looking than me, or that I can't see them as my peers. If you've got something interesting to say, it's all good.