> After becoming a father and undertaking a major rewrite at work, I had fallen off my ‘good habits’ wagon and was having a very tough time returning to my earlier state
This doesn’t sound like failure to me, it sounds like the normal consequences of your life becoming busier. Of course it is hard to resume those habits, especially if your life is still stressful and busy.
Maybe we should consider our own limits and be more accepting of why we might fall into bad habits. This obsession with balance and productivity does a lot of damage.
As a final point, everyone has a different tolerance for stress and productivity. But western morals assume all people are equal and any failing are thus a moral failure. This harms those of us who, through random environment + genetics have different strengths and weaknesses. Many ADHDers go through life thinking of themselves as shit people because they can never even get close to the moral standard of balance.
> the normal consequences of your life becoming busier
I embrace simplicity. The modern world has been designed in such a way that being busy is considered a badge of honor and we should be proud of our busyness. Being busy is a cult. And then there's the shadow work we all need to do behind the scenes like self-checkouts at supermarkets where we are not /paid/ to do that, but we do it anyway, along with many other examples I won't list out here.
I had a good streak going for a while with maintaining a good diet and exercise. Once you decide to take a break it's easy to stop though.
Recently I've had a project at work which is just enjoying and engrossing, so I'm "choosing" to be busy with it at all hours at the expensive of other "good" habits. (Spending long hours "in the zone", if you will). I take the motivating and energizing peaks at work when I can get them.
I found this audio book enjoyable and accessible. It's nothing earth-shattering, but it does shed some interesting light on the "busy" epidemic we feel surrounded by.
I’m with you in simplicity and the cult of being busy.
And I even personally prefer the social moment of a cashier to performing self-checkout.
But from the “simplicity” perspective, it’s actually pretty reasonable to tally and tender your own purchases. It’s the kind of simple practical task we probably benefit from making time for.
If someone were to help you, of course they should get paid, but it’s only a quirk of history that that’s been the default.
> It’s the kind of simple practical task we probably benefit from making time for.
I have this opinion about cooking, or walking the dog. Self-checkout I see as a missed opportunity for social interaction (or maybe not, considering the amount of times an employee comes over to unblock the system :)
> shadow work we all need to do behind the scenes like self-checkouts at supermarkets where we are not /paid/
that doesn’t strike me as a good example. i’ll take unpaid checkout at the supermarket over hunting or growing food or making chocolate or making wine myself every single time.
And to be fair, I didn't get paid to stand in line and make small talk with whoever decided to talk to me, just to get to the cashier and wait while they cater to me. Shopping almost always involves an amount of unpaid work.
I wouldn't use that analogy because being a father is wonderful and rush hour is a miserable slog. But it does have a way of pushing nonessential activities out, even if you'd ideally like to do them.
Sure, simplicity is great. At the same time, the comment was about parenting and how, once you have a couple extra mouths to feed at your table, experience shows, that ones life tends to become more occupied and thus busier. This is care work, not that bullshit busy work you are talking about. There is a difference.
Just wanted to thank you for writing this. I recently had a child and I thought with discipline I would be able to maintain my pre-parent lifestyle but reality is quite distant from the ideal goal. I am making small improvements each week so I'm grateful for that.
Maybe the author had to much pressure to build the habit back too quick, instead of slowly and being kind to themselves. They mention a lot of targets.
> After becoming a father and undertaking a major rewrite at work
You mention moral failure. Although the author mentions deep work, my suspicion is the rewrite at work is taking long hours. This assumes certain values too, where work is first.
> Here I am equipped with all the directions in the book, but I could not apply any of them
He could not do 1 min of meditation a day to build the habit? Or do one push up before showering?
From the blogpost I get the impression the author is prioritizing work and rationalizing it. At the same time, they are setting too ambitious targets in too many areas, instead of aiming for an incremental and sustainable habit.
Yeah I think this is a solid analysis of what is going wrong. While I disagree with the moral view of productivity, I do still think it is advisable and admirable to build up good habits.
I mean... I have no issue getting herb haha But, it doesn't really have that kind of effect on me... just kind of amplifies my anxieties that are produced by the constant frantic state I am in with my ADHD :-/
I apologise if my writing gave the impression that I was trying to do too much. I just wanted my sane life back - ability to do my duties without struggling a lot.
I don’t think it was your writing, I think your desire for sanity is fine :) but please be kind to yourself if you find it hard now you have a child to care for!
I think I was more incensed by skimming the introduction to Atomic Habits which is just the author boasting about themselves.
Maybe we should consider our own limits and be more accepting of why we might fall into bad habits. This obsession with balance and productivity does a lot of damage.
Bad habits for me is something to escape, not to accept. Not doing good habits directly impact quality of life.
Most all of us have been there, but there’s a lot of overhead cost to holding that attitude.
Even if you ultimately want to see your life optimized for “quality” (whatever that means!), the road to getting there sometimes involves being less self-reflective.
For many ambitious and high-key people, letting go and accepting themselves as they are is the untested hypothesis that’s actually been holding them back.
The book also mentions that people who had built a habit switched back to old habits under stress. It looks like author had this situation.
Multiple parallel things led to an overwhelming routine and he fell off the waggon.
Meditation helped hi. apply breaks and re think on every day decisions
This doesn’t sound like failure to me, it sounds like the normal consequences of your life becoming busier. Of course it is hard to resume those habits, especially if your life is still stressful and busy.
Maybe we should consider our own limits and be more accepting of why we might fall into bad habits. This obsession with balance and productivity does a lot of damage.
As a final point, everyone has a different tolerance for stress and productivity. But western morals assume all people are equal and any failing are thus a moral failure. This harms those of us who, through random environment + genetics have different strengths and weaknesses. Many ADHDers go through life thinking of themselves as shit people because they can never even get close to the moral standard of balance.